I am Mom. I am Zombie.

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This “Mom Thing” is harder than I thought. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE IT. I LOVE being a Mom, I LOVE my son more than life itself. I LOVE watching him grow and learn and play, and it breaks my heart to pieces when he hurts himself. I have an amazing husband, and I LOVE him more than life itself, too! I also LOVE being able to stay at home with him instead of putting him in daycare. I LOVE THAT and I wish my husband could enjoy that as well.

Here’s the thing though. I feel like a ZOMBIE. It’s like I’m just “going through the motions” from day to day. I can’t focus, I can’t think on anything for longer than a few minutes, I can’t get motivated to do anything other than the daily routine of taking care of and interacting with my little guy.

Zombie Zombie Zombie!

My memory is shot. I can’t remember to do simple things that wouldn’t have taken a second thought 3 years ago. I used to be on top of everything, now I’m struggling to remember what I need to be on top of. Thank the Gods I’ve got a budget spreadsheet that I use every day or I’d probably be forgetting to pay bills and we’d be living in a box! Darn it, I STILL need to get the car registration taken care of. It was due at the end of February… good thing I never drive it any where… or is it?

Maybe that’s my problem. I joined a “jewelry makers meet up group” yesterday that meets every 3rd Saturday. Maybe getting away from the kiddo for a few hours will help bring my brain back. I’ve been away from him a grand total of LESS THAN 18 hours since he was born. Once when I went to a show with my chainmaille, and once when I got my hair done. Other than that it’s 24/7 toddler time. I LIVE for nap time. DO NOT MESS WITH NAP TIME.

Brains! Brains!! BRAINS!!!!!

I am a member of a “Mom group” so that Cody can have playdates, but I dread them. I don’t know why. It’s good for me, and it’s good for Cody, but I HATE having to go. The moms are great. They are very nice and I enjoy talking with them when I get there, and Cody has fun, but getting me there is like trying to get a cat in the bath tub. I’m mentally kicking and screaming and clinging to the door frame and hissing at everything.

And it’s not like my husband doesn’t help, he does. In fact he cooks a REAL MEAL almost every night after he gets home from work (which is an hour away), because I burn Easy Mac. I’m not kidding. I forgot to put the water in the stupid little cup before I microwaved it… You know what my reaction was? “hmmmm… I’ve never seen Easy Mac steam before… why is it doing that?”… THAT IS HOW STUPID I HAVE BECOME.

ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE!!!

I used to try to read a book every night before bed… well… a few chapters anyways… but now I don’t even have enough focus to do that. I read the same paragraph 30 times before I realize I’m reading the same thing over and over, and I STILL don’t know what I’ve read. When I was a teenager, I read 14 NOVELS in a 2 week vacation. Granted, I was trapped on a boat traveling the Erie Canal, but I read that many… a book a day, and I’ve always read books regularly. Now I put my arms out in front of me and zombie walk to my bed and get Netflix going on my iPod.

“Must have TV. Must have TV.” I HATE TV.

Why can’t I get it together lately? Is it “a mom thing”, or am I reverting back to my medicated bi-polar days? I’ve been happily med free for 6 years, thanks to the support of my awesome husband!! I’ve read quite a few articles that talk about women having “memory issues” after having a baby… Is that what this is? Does that include more than just memory problems? When will it go away? How do I get out of this funk without resorting to medications? I can’t even make myself a task list to help guide me through my days. I stare blankly and my mind wanders away. I’m spinning my wheels.

I want my mind back.

Disclosure:Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, Fairy Busy Mommy only recommends products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

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